CRYPT NEWSLETTER 36 March-April 1996 Editor: Urnst Kouch (George Smith, Ph.D.) Media Critic: Mr. Badger (Andy Lopez) INTERNET: 70743.1711@compuserve.com crypt@sun.soci.niu.edu 旼컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴� � Contents: Crypt Newsletter #36 � 읕컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴컴� THIS ISSUE MEDIA Lyndon LaRouche's Web site: Dangerous lunatics and economic calamity BOOKS "Bandits on the Information Superhighway" -- Helpfile for the clueless Tsutomu Shimomura's "Takedown" slagged . . . again NEWS Still more songs of the cyber-doomed [One in a continuing series] The Exciting Game Without Any Rules: Viruses in Winword Documents Sun Microsystems admits to unintended feature in Java SOFTWARE Thompson Network Software gets an offer it cannot refuse MISCELLANY Letters page Crypt Newsletter Hypertext Crypt Masthead Info Credits/Acknowledgment BLAME IT ON BRITISH SPYMASTERS: EXTREMIST LYNDON LAROUCHE'S ELECTRONIC SCREEDS ON INTERNATIONAL ECONOMIC FAILURE AND UNRESTRAINED BAD TASTE IN THE U.K. Late in March, Crypt tuned into a William Buckley-hosted debate on the Communications Decency Act at the University of Southern California. In attendance were a brace of cyber-pundits -- almost indistinguishable in nature from the Beltway talking heads one has become accustomed to being regularly nauseated by on the evening news -- ready to argue the pro and con. First up were weird Arianna Huffington and the pugnacious Susan Estrich, a law professor in southern California. It took about five minutes of adversarial carpet-chewing for Crypt Newsletter to realize the debate wasn't really about filth or free speech on the Internet. It was about posturing and being appropriately choleric when one's face was on camera. Arianna and Susan waved their arms and gesticulated wildly -- grimacing, mugging and winking for effect at the audience. If the sound had been turned off a casual observer would have suspected they were either being bitten by chiggers or plagued by unusual nervous tics. Suddenly, it looked like the ubiquitous John Perry Barlow was about to speak, so quite naturally, Crypt turned off the television and went looking for something interesting to report on: political extremist Lyndon LaRouche's Web site, being one example. LaRouche is running against Bill Clinton in the Democratic primary this year. Although he has no chance, LaRouche nevertheless bought 30 minutes of prime-time immediately after Dan Rather on CBS earlier in the week. During the half hour show, the Viriginia-based candidate commented about economic doom and called Newt Gingrich and his followers "Hitler-type criminals," drawing them into a hard to follow warren of malevolent conspiracy linking Wall Street bond marketeers, members from the Bund of the media elites, powermad elements said to be lurking in British intelligence and Chinese nuclear-tipped missiles. In 1994, LaRouche was released from a Minnesota federal prison after serving five years for fraud and conspiracy. He immediately headed back to Leesburg, Virginia, to rejoin his political organization and begin a run for the presidency in 1996, a regular pursuit of his since 1972. LaRouche served one-third of a 15-year sentence that resulted from conviction in 1988 on mail fraud charges and conspiring to defraud the Internal Revenue Service by deliberately defaulting on more than $30 million in loans from supporters of his presidential campaign. He has always published apocalyptic views attacking public figures and international and government institutions. In the '80's, for example, LaRouche regularly accused Margaret Thatcher and the English royalty of conspiring with "drug pushers." LaRouche's antipathy toward the English remains undiluted. They are, his page quizzically insists, paragons of bad taste, a view also shared by ex-Crypt Newsletter media critic, Andy Lopez. [Crypt Newsletter, however, treasures its many readers in the United Kingdom.] The British Commonwealth writes LaRouche, "controls nations representing nearly thirty percent of the world population, and nearly one-quarter of the world's land-area. Through the City of London, the British monarchy controls not only the majority of the world's financial speculation, but also over sixty percent of the world's precious metals trade, and comparable portions of the world's strategic minerals, fossil fuel, and internationally traded food-supplies. London is also, incidentally, the acknowledged world headquarters for international terrorism, and the principal center of pilot-production for a large portion of international bad taste, as well." Articles on the LaRouche Web site also make frequent reference to one Lord William Rees-Mogg, a former editor of the Times of London, who is repeatedly denounced as a dangerous lunatic and hated enemy of the United States. However, on LaRouche's Web page, reading about a political or public figure deemed a dangerous lunatic is akin to sipping a fine brandy. One can savor repeated draughts of it, enjoying its burnish and flavor without danger of being taken for a common drunk. In an extended economic analysis that races from sharp, witty discussion to delirious gibble-gabble and back again many times, ex-presidential candidate Phil Gramm is described in words taken straight from the playbook of Hunter S. Thompson. Gramm is "a savagely vicious greedy person with, as he himself says, no heart. You cannot have a democratic government and a Gramm, Gramm's policies . . . impossible." Quite inexplicably, George Bush is nicknamed "`Rubbers' for his zealous prosecution of the cause of birth control." Norbert Wiener and Alvin Toffler are called brain-washers and ridiculed as "neo-paganist cult[ists] of 'information theory.'" A fabulated prophecy of complete U.S. monetary collapse is presented. Much of it is about as understandable as that which is published on Wall Street economics in mainstream media outlets. Unlike print and TV media, however, LaRouche doesn't attempt to hide his fabulation's unusual craziness behind a thin veneer of patronizing reason. LaRouche's prose also happens to be more entertaining: ". . . from under the collapse of the [economic] bubble . . . the scramble becomes a panic. Consider a panic operating globally, at computer speeds, long pathways of contemporary cable and satellite communications: The panic zooms, hyperbolically, into a `reversed- leverage' analog of a thermonuclear explosion: an implosion which causes the disintegration of virtually every financial and central-banking monetary institution of the planet, within a lapsed time of hours, 48 to 72 hours at most." To prevent this coming economic thermonuclear spasm, Larouche explains the U.S. must declare "bankruptcy." "Chapter 11-style . . . is the precondition for success of those governmental measures needed to organize an immediate economic recovery." " . . . the President of the U.S.A. declares the Federal Reserve System as a whole to be bankrupt, and places it under the equivalent of `Chapter 11' financial reorganization." Success after national bankruptcy is eventually measured by the number "of new productive work-places filled, and in the ration of both the unemployed and the uselessly employed (such as financial-house employees) transferred into productive work-places." Even the footnotes of LaRouche's Spenglerian opus are a stitch: "14. The two most exemplary of influential events of 1964, are the publishing of Robert Theobald's 'The Triple Revolution' and the staging of the imported Beatles on CBS's Ed Sullivan Show . . . What is recognized as the `rock' cult-fad spread since that 1964 appearance the Beatles, was a joint creation of satan-cultist Aleister Crowley's followers and the `wise guy' financier interests of the recording and concert mafia. Even a decade and a half earlier than 1964, through his fight against the irrationalist cult-dogma of `information theory,' this writer was already familiar with the establishment circles who played a key role in steering the anti-civilization cultural-paradigm shift of the 1960s and 1970s. In Boston, this featured Air Force and RAND-funded projects at MIT . . . "17. Lord [William] Rees-Mogg has proposed that 95% of the population should receive no education at all. He has proposed that the educated [five percent] creating Alvin Toffler's `information' in isolated places, such as perhaps the islands of the English Channel, will supply the future world all the needed wealth of a global `Third Wave' utopia. "18. There is a continuing, hysterically lying effort from high-level mass news-media and other circles, to deny the conclusive evidence, that former U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger has been, officially, an agent of influence of the British foreign-intelligence service during more than 50 years to date, since early days in Wilton Park training, at Harvard . . ." LaRouche's page also features conspiratorial claims which mention something of a nefarious plot by British spymasters to discredit him in the pages of the Washington Post. So, given the choice between watching celebrity cyber-pundits and their amen choirs arguing about communications decency and the Internet on TV solely to boost fees at their respective speakers' agencies and Lyndon LaRouche, Crypt chooses LaRouche for the reasons mentioned. He's actually more interesting. The Lyndon H. LaRouche Web page -- http://www.clark.net/larouche. DAN BARRETT'S "BANDITS ON THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY" DELIVERS NEEDED DOSE OF REALISM "Bandits on the Information Superhighway" by Daniel J. Barrett (O'Reilly & Associates, Inc., ISBN 1-56592-156-9) is the kind of piquant book one wishes could be included as a "users manual" for every new subscriber to an on-line service this year. As a tutorial on sensible use of the computer and the Internet, it's strong on encouraging common sense and critical thinking as a way of solving problems. This makes it a rare bird in a world of publishing that rewards techno-gobble, content judged by the pound, and stock recipes of idiot savant computer commands. A case-in-point includes the book's dealing with on-line swindles. If you think cash pyramids and chain letters are ploys aimed at the feeble-minded and gullible, why think differently just because you're in front of a PC keyboard? "Bandits on the Information Highway" supplies illustrative examples of the types of sucker solicitations one can expect. Once you've seen a few, you'll know them all. If you're being hassled by electronic mail from a cyber-pest or advertiser, rather than collapse in a panic, Barrett's book features convenient sidebars that tell you how to review your electronic mail, read the proper point-of-origin from it in 90 percent of cases and use the information to look up the Internet service provider it originated from. Then it's up to you to use electronic mail or get on the phone and raise some polite Hell. Sometimes, besides relying on liberal use of the delete key, that's all it takes. "Bandits" is near perfect in its treatment of phlogiston disguised as news that floats in over the modem. Barrett retells the phenomenon of the Good Times virus hoax. As a bit of cleverly written twaddle, Good Times exploited the naivete of PC users and has been accepted as fact in the heads of too many administrators with on-line connections over the last two years. Barrett doesn't expect Good Times to be stamped out by reality, but if you read this book and someday receive a memo on a similar crazy tale from well-meaning chowderheads elsewhere in the bureaucracy, you'll be properly immunized. Likewise, when you spy some bit of breathless hype on the menace of cyberporn, or whatever flavor of Internet petty outrage is current, it will barely ruffle your feathers. As for predictions, Barrett and a staff of colleagues try to be realists rather than futurists. Spam and nuisance advertising is going to stick around for awhile but eventually will be curbed by Internet service provider controls -- some formal, some informal. Old scams will use up their effective life, new ones -- perhaps not as obvious -- will take their place. The media will do a better job of reporting on real issues. The last one's the only one Crypt disagrees with. Internet and technology flacks will always be a terrible plague. Crypt News can't recommend "Bandits on the Information Superhighway" enough. It even looks like excellent required reading for the totally clueless. HOTPANTS: SHIMOMURA TAKES DOWN PARAMOUR'S BLOOMERS BEFORE ENTERING JACUZZI -or- ANOTHER AMUSINGLY HOSTILE REVIEW OF "TAKEDOWN" Reprinted from Computer underground Digest, March 21, 1996. http://www.soci.niu.edu/~cudigest TAKEDOWN: The Pursuit and Capture of Kevin Mitnick, America's Most Wanted Computer Outlaw--by the Man who did it. Tsutomu Shimomura (with John Markoff). 1995. New York: Ballantine. 324 pp. $24.95 (cloth). Reviewed by: Jim Thomas. Despite the pretentious title, TAKEDOWN is a subtle and complex narrative of emotional angst, indecision, alienation, and romance. Against the backdrop of the seamy underside of computer culture, TAKEDOWN deconstructs gender relations in contemporary society by depicting a lovers' triangle of dependence and co-dependence played out in hot tubs, ski lodges, and at computer consoles. John Markoff cleverly uses the "as told to" literary style to create distance between author, story narrator, and the subject, a young California woman named Julia. This ingenious layering further heightens the isolation of Julia from the reader, creating a pathos rarely found in contemporary literature. Markoff skillfully combines irony with a playful stylistic pastiche in juxtaposing Julia's dramatic complexity with the mundane vision of the unsympathetic narrator. Small wonder, then, that TAKEDOWN made it to seventh place on the New York Times Business Best Sellers and may eventually be a movie. We learn that Julia (to be played by Claudine Longet) is beautiful, in her mid-30s: A tall, graceful woman who is strong and wiry, and who often wears her hair drawn back in a braid . . . With an intense gaze and blue-gray eyes, Julia was often introspective but also quick to laugh. She was a talented yoga teacher and had an ethereal quality . . ." (p. 7-8). She's also very bright (a computer programmer). But, as we learn from Skiamour, the tale's narrator (to be played by Spider Sabitch), who depicts her as an emotional flake even while lauding her feminine charms while trying to woo her affections from her boyfriend, she's co-dependant on her boyfriend's hangups and has a few of her own. But, her primary character flaw seems to be that she won't leave her boyfriend for the skier. The story opens with Julia flying back from Bangkok, looking for someone to pick her up at the airport. Julia's boyfriend John, a nationally-respected computer wizard (to be played by Andy Williams), is visiting relatives over Christmas. In his absence, she asks a friend of her boyfriend to pick her up, maybe because he drives fast (310 klicks in a snowstorm in under two hours?) or because he's macho (he even carried his ice pick through airport security and "nobody even blinked"). Or, maybe Julia likes self-absorbed skiers who race, serve in the Nordic ski patrol, teach skiing, and in their spare time do computer programming. Or, maybe she's a sucker for guys who speak in "kilometers" instead of miles. Julia quickly ends up in the jacuzzi with Skiamour at John's house, splashing amidst fronds of fern and four overhead spotlights that dimly illuminate each corner of the tub and steamy air. "This is just amazing," murmurs Julia (p. 13), relating tales of Sherpa guides, mountain trekking, and birthday blessings from a Tibetan Lama. Skiamour, in turn, told tales of unforthcoming research grants and stupid bureaucrats. Then, lost in thought and perhaps overcome by the steamy silence (and, of course, the absence of her boyfriend), he proposed. Well, almost: "I want to tell you something I've been thinking about," I said. "I've thought about a lot of things while you were away. I'd really like to try having a committed relationship with you, if you're willing to." (p. 20). Julia remained silent, but reached over and held him closely. "Why don't you come with me and live in the mountains?" he asked. "You can come ski and it will be good to be outside." Careless readers might see such dialogue as simply banal. But, in fact the dialogue--and it occurs throughout the book--further illustrates Markoff's ability to heighten the contrasts between the sympathetic Julia and the shallowness of Skiamour. The idyllic love-fest, however, is interrupted by one or more computer hackers breaking into the boyfriend's computer, then into Skiamour's computer, and even into his voicemail. One of the hackers was Kevin Mitnick (to be played by Matthew Broderick), which sets up the chase in which Julia follows him (Skiamour, not Mitnick) around the Bay area, and eventually across the country, as they pursue their quarry from system to system. Things heat up when the boyfriend returns. Skiamour calls John to ask about the computer probes, and learns that "he had become increasingly uncomfortable about my contact with Julia. It was a strained conversation." Now, if a friend of mine had been snookering up to my girlfriend in my hot tub professing love to her and steamily proposing a committed relation while I was away, I'm not sure that "uncomfortable" about his "contact" is quite how I'd describe it. Let's see--Skiamour has taken Julia down in the hot tub in John's house, in ski resorts, in....well, you get the idea. The book is, after all, called TAKEDOWN. Contra the narrator's judgment, the boy friend seems to be handling things remarkably well. Julia remains torn between her two men. This doesn't make Skiamour jealous. He's above such things, spending as much time with her as he can, while simultaneously wondering if she's not being self-destructive in her unwillingness to break off with her boyfriend, presumably to spend more time on the slopes with him. The boyfriend, however, seems to act jealous, despite "politically correct" protestations to the contrary. At least, this is Skiamour's interpretation. So, it must be true--he is, after all, a detached, objective paragon of judgment in affairs of the heart and loins. The yarn continues, with Julia and Skiamour hopping in bed, riding in cars, hiking, and meeting hither and yon. Markoff (to be played by Brock Meeks) paints a stark picture of an independent woman dependent upon her men, unable to chose between them, unwilling to give up one and commit to another. Julia is portrayed as the archetypical new-age "gypsy professional," semi-rootless, no established career or plans, and living on the economic precipice, needing the strong hand and wisdom of a good man to guide her. But, this isn't a "Rashomon" tale, and a reader might wonder how the tale's denouement would differ if told through her eyes. How does it all end? Ah . . . this is Markoff's mastery. His naturalistic narrative shifts to a final trope of realism: Relationships are never easily defined, resolutions are rarely clear, and emotional angst isn't dissolved in a few hundred pages. And, as in any good work, the reader is left wanting more of Julia. Oh yeah. TAKEDOWN also has some stuff in it about Tsutomu Shimomura, a Silicon Valley computer wizard obsessed with tracking down Kevin Mitnick, who hacked into his computer and maybe (or maybe not) harassed him via voice mail. The guy seems unlikable, perhaps because he comes across like a megalomaniac who likes to ski and slam everybody who he thinks is dumber than he, which seems to be almost everybody, including The Well personnel, the FBI, hackers, students who play practical jokes, bureaucrats, former employers, and most other lesser mortals. Even John Markoff receives a few hits. Markoff does an admirable job with the material available. But, frankly, Shimomura simply is neither likeable nor interesting, and other than his computer skills, there isn't enough "there" there to pull the reader in. From his self-descriptions, I was left with the impression that Shimomura is the Martha Grant of the computer world--he does everything so much better than us. His tracking of Mitnick is impressive, but lacks the flair and drama of Cliff Stoll's chase in THE CUCKOO'S EGG. Other than the aura of Julia, there is little humanity, compassion, or even a sense of a strong morality play. Even Markoff's considerable writing skills can't spin silk from a sow's ear. And, even one mixed metaphor--hell, any(!) metaphor--might have broken the monotonous self-righteousness of Shimomura's occasional mean-spirited self-absorption. Still, Markoff's writing salvages the work, and if one is able to focus on the subtexts and avoid Shimomura's cloying egoism, reading it is not an unpleasant way to spend an evening. Hopefully, there will be a sequel sans Shimomura, and we can catch up on Julia's life. Both it and she seem far more interesting. Oh--and if, as one insider warns, you bump into Shimomura, don't introduce him to your girlfriend. TEGWAR: THE EXCITING GAME WITHOUT ANY RULES -or- COMPUTER VIRUS FUNNY BUSINESS WITH WINWORD DOCUMENTS In the baseball move "Bang the Drum Slowly" actor Michael Moriarty plays a star pitcher who, in cahoots with one of his team's managers, scams baseball groupies and assorted chumps out of their money with a card game they call TEGWAR. TEGWAR isn't a game, it's a con in which Moriarty and a cohort dupe people into falling for a pigeon drop where they make up a mystifying set of rules masked by the ruse of a legitimate card game. Of course, since no one can win a game with no logical rules, Moriarty - or his accomplice - always pocket the designated pigeon's betting money. When Moriarty's friend, a dim-witted catcher played by Robert DeNiro, comes down with Hodgkin's Disease, Moriarty finally lets him on the excellent secret of The Exciting Game Without Any Rules, TEGWAR. * "DoD is dripping in Word Concept virus . . . " -- An excitable fellow and insider who would rather not be named. * Crypt Newsletter is now going to let you in the secret of one of the software industry's latest versions of TEGWAR: the dilemma of the Microsoft Winword viruses. Taking advantage of the nature of Microsoft's Word for Windows, the Winword viruses exploit an automatic function embedded in special Microsoft Word documents. What this boils down to is that executable instructions buried within documents prepared by Microsoft Word can be written to perform the basic function of a computer virus: Make a copy of itself and attach itself to another target. In this case, Winword documents. Designed to execute commands or executive routines embedded in special documents - called .DOT files - Word has proved an excellent culture dish in which to breed simple computer viruses. Because of reasons which include the large installed user base of WinWord, the way people promiscuously share documents produced by it, the outwardly innocuous nature of the Word Concept virus (the most common of the "macro viruses") and the lack of prompt interest in the problem by Microsoft, the "macro virus" problem has run out of control. A recent press release by the National Computer Security Association stated even Microsoft has been snakebit by Winword viruses. Predictably, this has led to a great deal of spilt blood in institutions blind-sided by rapid distribution of the virus. However, the idea of "macro viruses" wasn't surprising. Back in 1993 Crypt Newsletter published just such a virus for the Telix PC communications program. [1] It infected other Telix sub-programs -- called scripts - which were simple lists of commands recorded into files and executed on-the-fly by Telix. An example of this type of sub-program, or script, could be one that called CompuServe and retrieved personal electronic mail. As it was written, the Telix script virus, named LittleMess, quickly flashed a Stoned virus-type message on the screen, "Legalise Marijuana." The possibility of this type of computer virus was also addressed by examples written elsewhere in computer security circles predating even then. However, LittleMess and others like it remained extremely obscure curiosities. Winword viruses are anything but. PART II: LOTSA CONSIDERATION * "Thank you very much, , for your thoughts. This is something I've been giving a lot of consideration of late. Sincerely, Bill." ---Bill Gates form reply to electronic mail. [Uncovered by David Applefield, March 1996] * What has been a surprise about Word macro viruses is the industry response to them. To understand the absurd nature of it, Crypt must construct a parable minus the jargon and baffle-speak used in the usual generic attempts to describe the Word "macro virus" problem. Now, for the sake of our story, let's pretend for a moment that Microsoft manufactures VCR's instead of operating system and business office software. Microsoft has a dominant share of the market and has just made a new model VCR. This model isn't significantly fancier than the previous model -- just newer with some bells and whistles that are nice but not absolutely essential. Of course, lots of people immediately buy these VCR's and start playing rented videotapes in them. Someone who's tinkering around or has too much time on his hands, discovers that if he makes a minor, almost invisible change or scratch in the plastic case of a rented tape, it introduces a problem into the new VCR. This scratch makes a part called the frammis fail. The frammis is put slightly out of line and whacks the videotape housing and an adjacent part, called the neo-frammis, also inside the VCR. This doesn't ruin the videotape but it puts the same scratch into it, if it didn't have it already. After a day, maybe a week, maybe longer -- development of the frammis/neo-frammis whacking makes tapes being played show up intermittently during play with an annoying white mistracking line on the TV. No amount of fiddling with the tracking adjustment on the VCR will fix it. Our tinkerer thinks this is clever and he's feeling mean so he rents a tape - the most popular title, something like "Busty Babes of the Bayou," "The Toolbox Murders" or "Forrest Gump" - from Blockbuster. He puts the scratch in the videotape's housing and returns it. Now it has the potential to spread to everyone who has the Microsoft VCR and rents this tape in the region. Months later Microsoft VCR owners are calling the company in outrage. Their VCR's are screwed up and local repairmen don't know what to do. [Now, in one possible world, Microsoft issues a massive recall, identifies and solves the problem, and returns new, different VCR's not susceptible to the problem to consumers. End of the frammis/scratch problem except for those people who for some reason or another don't follow the recall. Eventually, they stop using the VCR or buy a different brand. Microsoft takes a big financial hit for the quarter, but - hey - it's part of the business.] However, in our world Microsoft sends a pack of cheap screwdrivers, a replacement frammis that sometimes doesn't work and instructions on how to fix the VCR printed on a paper the size of a chewing gum wrapper. The instructions are written in Pig Latin. Quite naturally, a lot of people can't fix the problem. Other industry vendors rush to provide a solution. They supply a set of slightly less cheap screwdrivers, a replacement frammis that works 75 percent of the time and instructions printed on a paper that's the size of a legal pad but which no one bothers to read, anyway. More and more Microsoft VCR's play all screwed up but no one seems too concerned. They keep buying the model. Everyone is trained to use this model of VCR and they won't switch models because they're afraid they won't be able to use other VCR's and will lose the ability to rent and enjoy videotapes. Microsoft even issues a few thousand free sample tapes that are messed up with the frammis-buggering case flaw. This spreads the problem even further -- generally to people who have VCR's that aren't already messed up with it. Eventually, well-meaning but clueless techno-geeks at Lawrence Livermore National Lab issue a product advisory on the VCR. It describes the problem and a new one that's slightly different but more hazardous. The new one makes the frammis and neo-frammis misbehave so wildly a big spark comes out of the front of the VCR, frying the circuitry and ruining the VCR. Since the rental tape that introduces the problem melts when this happens and cannot be returned it never spreads as far. The Lawrence Livermore National Lab memo reaches a lot of people but 90 percent don't read it because it's too long. They will only read things that don't exceed a half page or a screenful of information. The Livermore National Lab warning [2] is pages and pages of daunting techno-gobble. The ten percent that persist in reading to the end have trouble grasping it because of language like this: "If you don't have the Microsoft cheap screwdriver and replacement frammis set, you can use the Organizo-frammis to find and remove the broken Frammis without making things worse. The first step is to start the VCR and open the Organizo-frammis box. There are two ways to open the Organizo-frammis box: 1. use the Tools Neo-Frammis and press the Organizo-frammis; 2. use the File Omega-frammis and depress the Organizo-frammis. In the Organizo-frammis box, flip the Frammis switch, click the Open Frammis button, locate the malfunctioning frammis and neo-frammis and close everything up. Back in the Organizo-frammis box, select all the Frammises listed in the file Omega-frammis and flick the off button to remove them. Flick the Close Omega-frammis switch to install the new Frammis. The Frammis is now fixed." Frustrated, many home owners and businesses can't deal with the Frammis problem-plagued VCR from Microsoft. While it's possible to fix the contagious frammis scratch, bureaucratic entropy, apathy, confusion and institutional impediments inevitably result in failure because: (1) Many victims of it cannot understand how the fix is to be made. The national lab warning was terrifying in its difficulty to understand. Microsoft's cheap screwdriver set doesn't work very well. (2) Many victims don't have the time or expertise to fix the VCR right so the de-frammis'd VCR becomes re-frammis'd very quickly -- about as soon as they rent another videotape with the same contagious scratch on it. This often happens two or three times before victims junk the damn thing. (3) Some victims bought a different frammis repair set from another vendor but it only works part of the time or if they decide to use it. Mostly they don't use it, though, because they don't care about their frammis'd VCR. (4) Many victims' bosses won't let them fix the frammis'd VCR because it would cost money. Besides, says the boss, "We have someone whose job it is to fix these things, thank you! But he doesn't answer voice-mail today or was skinned by an ogre, I'm not sure which. Now stop bothering me or I'll downsize you the next time we massage the stock price for our shareholders." (5) Or, victims think the frammis'd VCR is how all VCR's are supposed to be. A year later Microsoft markets a new, improved VCR not as susceptible to the problem but the people who have the old, brokedown VCR's don't get any trade value. They have to pay Microsoft just like everyone else does. So some just stumble on with their crippled VCR's. Some other VCR manufacturers who previously made VCR's that worked fine all the time make new models capable of being screwed up as badly as the Microsoft model even though they've known about the problem and laughed at it for some time. This is called progress. Now, if you retell Crypt's story to someone else we can here them shout: "Hey, that's crazy! No way that could happen or they'd burn people at the stake in those companies." However, with a little cut and paste you can just plug Word viruses back into the place where I put "frammis" and Word 6 for "VCR." Now they'll say: "Yeah, it really stinks, but what can we do?" This makes the Word "macro viruses" an almost perfect example of TEGWAR - an exciting game without any rules - in the software industry. The consumer or PC user in an institution uses Microsoft Winword and is largely unaware that specific electronic documents handled by it have the potential to bite him. Microsoft ignores the phenomenon just long enough so it becomes solidly established then generates a "fix" that works poorly and which must be embroidered by other vendors. Still more software developers jump into the breach with cures and advice - which take money - and that don't guarantee anything because they are poorly understood, poorly designed or a combination of the two. Those trapped in Word macro virus TEGWAR lose money trying to burrow through the electronic trash heaps of on-line services, sifting and downloading information and software they can't understand most of the time. They twist and turn in a seemingly endless maze, buying software only to find it's the wrong software for them. Squirming, they buy the correct software only to find an obdurate supervisor won't let them use it throughout the institution. Increasingly aggravated, those infected by Word virus TEGWAR sometimes see that pathogenic documents have the potential to spread the viruses in interesting ways through heterogenous combinations of machines and software with only one thing in common: Word's micro-environment. But they also find that anti-virus software designed to control infections is not quite so flexible. Goaded by the lash of fragmentary, gossipy on-line electronic phlogiston passed on as the biblical wisdom of computer gurus, others trapped by Word virus TEGWAR run about in a blind frenzy searching for Word "macro virus" protective software until realizing in a moment of stunning clarity that they don't _use_ Winword! So, the only rule that is a constant in Word virus TEGWAR is that if you play, you lose cash money. * "Thank you very much, , for your thoughts. This is something I've been giving a lot of consideration of late. Sincerely, Bill." ---Bill Gates form reply to electronic mail. [Uncovered by David Applefield, March 1996] * Additional notes: 1. The virus written for the Telix communications program was originally called LittleMess. It was programed by a Dutch virus-writer who travelled cyberspace under the handle of Crom-Cruach. Crom-Cruach reasoned LittleMess was of only trivial interest because he thought few people used the programming language interpreted by the Telix program -- which his computer virus exploited -- for anything important. The name of the programming language interpreted by the Telix software is SALT. Hang in there because this is a point of serendipitous interest. The US Navy also runs (or ran) telecommunications software it calls - you guessed it -- SALTS. The Navy's SALTS terminal is a simple Windows or DOS-running PC using little more than an off-the-shelf version of Telix driven by a series of custom made Telix sub-programs (or "macros") that create an elaborate communications system for the computer. The SALTS program is an acronym for Streamlined Automated Logistical Transmission System. The SALTS software used on Navy PC's is responsible for logistical support and satellite-borne communications jobs ranging through inventory and tracking of ship stock, software management/distribution, Internet sessions and the sending and receiving of electronic mail and USO telegrams. Since the software running on the SALTS terminal is written in the same programming language exploited by the LittleMess Telix virus, the SALTS PC can be easily infected by it. In the average Telix-using hobbyist PC envisioned by the hacker Crom-Cruach in 1993, this amounted to barely a few infections of predominantly non-essential computer files. However, on an average US Navy SALTS computer terminal, the same virus would create a much more massive infection since the military's software relies on hundreds of sub-program files that could serve as hosts for LittleMess. 2. The following text appeared in a Lawrence Livermore National Lab alert on Word Macro viruses. It was supposed to be a clear tutorial on ridding yourself of the Word macro viruses by hand. No, Crypt Newsletter isn't tweezing it for effect: "If you don't have a scanner or the protection macro, you can use the Organizer to find and remove macro viruses without infecting your system. The first step is to start Word and open the Organizer dialog box. There are two ways to open the Organizer: 1. use the Tools Macro command and press the Organizer button; 2. use the File Templates command and press the Organizer button. In the Organizer dialog box click the macros tab, click the Open File button, select the infected document and click OK. Back in the Organizer dialog box, select all the macros listed in the file and click the Delete button to remove them. Click the Close File button to close and save the file. The file can now be opened normally." Crypt Newsletter challenges PC "help desk" employees to read that to someone over the telephone. Here's some more strangled syntax from the same memo: "PROBLEM: Word macro viruses are no longer an isolated threat, but they are a significant hazard to the information on a computer." In fairness, the Lawrence Livermore National Lab memo, also known as "CIAC (Computer Incident Advistory Capability) G-10: Winword Macro Viruses," is an honest attempt to get some information on a real computer hazard into as many hands as possible. It's also possible for someone with good powers of concentration and a middling-to-exceptional grasp of PC computing systems to wring useful information from it. However, more and more, these types of bulletins serve only to emphasize the disastrous point that the average PC user in the home or business environment and the people generating the technology very rarely speak language that is mutually understood. That's a gold-plated guarantor for interesting times. STILL MORE SONGS OF THE CYBER-DOOMED: THE TERMINATOR ANNOUNCES VICTORY PREMATURELY; FIDO-SYSOP VOWS JUSTICE FOR "INFO-TERRORISTS" [Another in a continuing line of stories focusing on electronic mail mediated harassment and ill-mannered behavior within the Fidonet.] The story so far: Earlier this year, Burt Juda, an administrator for the Fidonet's Internet mail gateway in Piscatway, New Jersey, announced the network would lose his system as a consequence of a denial-of-service attack on it by a couple of the network's ex-sysops, one of whom - The Terminator - is familiar to Crypt Newsletter followers of the Fidonet "cyber-doomed" news stories (Crypt 27 - 28). The attack was carried out by forging subscription requests to Internet mailing lists. The forged requests, some of which were routed through an anonymous Internet remailer in Finland, some of which were merely sent directly to Internet listservers, were written so it appeared they originated from a score of Fidonet system operators. Return electronic mail traffic from the mailing lists eventually overwhelmed the patience of Mr. Juda and the capacity of his Fidonet/Internet gateway. In March, The Terminator declared symbolic victory in an electronic mail message to the FidoNews, a weekly mail digest consisting of correspondence from system operators and users on the network. However, other connections from the Internet to the Fidonet still exist. In interview, The Terminator commented to Crypt Newsletter that his e-telegram was premature. The Terminator added he still maintains accounts on the Fidonet to monitor his image and aid in intelligence collection. Allen Taylor, a Fidonet bulletin board system operator and echo mail moderator, has been a repeat target of the mail assaults. In a Fidonet message, Taylor wrote that one of his Internet accounts had been bombarded with nuisance and harassing mail at the same time as the attacks on the Juda gateway, resulting in the loss of the account. In interview, The Terminator took credit for the stunt, which resulted in a claimed volume of 500 megabytes of nuisance mail arriving at the targeted Internet service provider. As a result of the continued harassment, Taylor said he had contacted an attorney in Newport News, Virginia, with the aim of investigating what could be done about threatening mail routed through an Internet provider there. It was his intention to begin litigation, if possible, against "info-terrorists." In a baleful message posted to the Fidonet on March 7, Taylor wrote, "The hands of justice [are] starting to tighten around the necks of these cyber-criminals . . . " ACCELERATING DEPLOYMENT OF JAVA TECHNOLOGY AMBUSHES THE UNWITTING -or- SWELLING OF THE PURCHASE ORDER ACCOUNT FOR SOFTWARE IMMINENT In late March, this from Compuserve's On-Line Today news service: "A flaw has been discovered in Sun Microsystems Inc.'s Internet-based Java programming language that could enable online vandals to destroy files or damage computers that use Netscape Communications Corp.'s Navigator Web browser software. "At Sun's Mountain View, California, headquarters, Marianne Mueller, a senior engineer specializing in security issues, acknowledged the problem, commenting, 'This one is a serious bug.'" Essentially, what is reported is that the security whole enables malicious booby-trapping of Web pages with Java applications aimed at wresting control of the receiving PC's browser. While this sounds rather strange and off-putting, in a broad sense the phenomenon isn't particularly new. For example, years ago, simple boobytraps called "ANSI-bombs" could be hidden in messages on bulletin board systems. The ANSI interpreter, a software device loaded on machine start and necessary to view color graphics on a bulletin board system, allowed remapping of keystrokes so that inadvertent finger- fumble or seemingly harmless commands produced unexpected, sometimes extremely vexing - even unpleasant - results. The evolution of DOS and recognition of the hazard by communications software developers eventually erased the annoyance of it for the vast majority of typical PC users accessing private bulletin board systems. The Java fault appears potentially far more nettlesome because Java operation on a machine is less trivial than "ANSI-bomb" mischief. In addition, the much larger number of PC users wasting time on the Web via Netscape browsers combined with the lower average level of recognition of hazards associated with naive acceptance of even minor or obvious poison apples from strangers -- viz., remote computers -- tends to predict exciting times for those embracing new technology simply because it appears to be the thing to do. Sun Microsystems representatives, of course, promised a quick fix for the problem. Quite naturally, Java supporters at Netscape Communications Corp., the company that develops the Web browser most likely to be subverted by Java security problems, also immediately acted to apply damage control, insisting any potential hazard to Web-surfers was remote. In related news the same week, rampaging marketers at Symantec announced to the world that it had invented the first anti-virus scanner for Java viruses even though no Java viruses had yet been concocted. A Symantec press release said that while "no current Java virus threats exist, there is a possibility that a virus could be written." Although the press release insisted no Java viruses had been written, it named some anyway: [the Norton Anti-virus] "is configured to scan Java applets sent over the Internet in .CLASS files, and can detect a potential type of Java (Java Type I) virus that can be propagated by modifying HTML pages . . . The new Java scanner technology can detect another more complex, type of Java virus (Java Type II) that parasitically infects .CLASS files." But of course these viruses don't exist, according to the Symantec press release. Only the cynical would ask how did company representatives absolutely determine it detected "Java Type I" and "Java Type II parasitic" viruses? However, Crypt Newsletter warns its readers such talk is careless spite and surely the work of jealous Symantec competition. So, Crypt reads this honest attempt at p.r. to mean that while, yes, it's true there aren't any "Java Type I" and "Java Type II parasitic .CLASS-infecting" viruses, Symantec has tested Norton Anti-virus against them, anyway, so it's quite obviously imperative that everyone buy more copies of Norton Anti-virus without delay or run the risk of being branded irresponsible menaces to everyone using computers. SOFTWARE: THOMPSON'S DOCTOR GETS AN OFFER HE CAN'T REFUSE Fans of the anti-virus software known as The Doctor may be interested to find ON Technology has acquired the Marietta, GA-based company. With no prior involvement in anti-virus matters, ON has - in effect - made Thompson it's anti-virus development arm. "They made me an offer I couldn't refuse as opposed to an offer I couldn't understand . . . which is what I usually get," Roger Thompson commented puckishly to Crypt Newsletter recently. Thompson went on to add that the merger allowed him to concentrate solely on the technical end of the business, a focus he had per force sacrificed in the last couple of years. The Doctor anti-virus software was originally known as the Australian import, Virus-Buster from Leprechaun Software, Pty. Thompson changed the name when he split with co-developer Jack Kenyon. Kenyon returned to the Australian market; Thompson stayed in Georgia to go his own way in the United States. Currently, Thompson said the most common viruses as far as he was concerned were the Word viruses. Currently, ON is marketing a special link library module for Winword that identifies, intercepts and disinfects Word viruses within the word processor environment. A Quick Overview ================ Thompson Network Software still offers its Doctor Windows/DOS anti-virus program. The Doctor anti-virus scanner detected 80 percent of file-infecting viruses in Joe Wells' current WildList in a simple trial. It also detects the Word Concept, Word Nuclear and Word Hot viruses. But if used as a brute force scanner for "macro viruses" The Doctor must be configured after installation to scan Word documents since the default file selection doesn't include them. In tests, The Doctor did simple string-matching during identification of computer viruses, saving a more rigorous absolute identity check until just before file disinfection. The Doctor's programs will generate a recovery diskette and are still economical enough to fit in their entirety on one of them along with a mirror file for the system area of the hard disk. The remainder of the package contains Checksum, formerly known as Buster, which is a check-for-changes module that offers some disinfection capability against viruses unrecognized by The Doctor as long as its properly installed on a clean machine. Also included is a memory resident virus activity block and a program that can replace the partition sector with one that will remove some, but not all, standard partition sector virus infections. For example, those scant few users dismayed by Michelangelo this year would have been rendered immune to this virus by The Doctor's partition sector protection, called DiskLok. DiskLok removes Michelangelo-type viruses from the hard disk the first time the machine is restarted after the virus infects it. DiskLok operates by relocating the original partition sector to from physical sector 0,0,1 to 0,0,2 on the hard disk. It replaces the original with its own code and a small driver which are, essentially, an auto-immune function and a password barrier called when starting the machine from the hard disk. The password requirement is offered to confer a moderate amount of access control to the hard disk if the machine is started with a system diskette by a wandering cyber-pest wishing to evade security. The auto-immune function writes its own code back to the partition sector when it reads the hard disk and observes it has been replaced by a partition sector-infecting virus. In so doing, it nullifies the virus. DiskLok uses the common trick of hiding the partition table so the hard disk appears inaccessible to the operating system if the DiskLok driver is bypassed during a diskette start. DiskLok also attempts to mask and protect itself in the partition sector through techniques common to stealth viruses. When properly installed, The Doctor software takes reasonable precautions to ensure the hard disk is recoverable if DiskLok's code becomes corrupted by virus, software misadventure or confused users and hobbyists. However, as with all such things, there are never guarantees. Thompson Network Software, Marietta, Georgia: 404-971-8818 THE LETTERS PAGE: STRENGTH THROUGH OI - BRISBANE ANTI-VIRUS MAN CHAPPED OVER BOZA/BIZATCH; ANKLE-BITERS; CORRESPONDENTS FROM DICTATORSHIPS Oi Crypt! According to Ernest Hemingway, every journalist should have a good bullshit detector. But I'd say it's a safe bet that many computer journalists had good bullshit GENERATORS implanted in their frontal lobes at birth. Granted, some anti-virus companies have earned themselves well-deserved reputations for thriving on their own bullshit, but, as you pointed out in Crypt 35, Paul Ducklin's original press release merely stated that Boza existed and wasn't in the wild. It was completely devoid of scare tactics. "Running rampant in England" and "brought the British Government to its knees" stories were purely figments of the media's imagination. I very seldom issue press releases these days. I became disenchanted with the media's arse-about-face attitude towards computer viruses when my early warnings about Junkie and Lemming (both issued some two months or more before either became virus flavor of the month) were totally ignored. Junkie and Lemming subsequently hit in a big way, but only after they'd cost this country millions of dollars in downtime and cleanup. Much of this money could have been saved if the computer community had been forewarned. This taught me an important lesson: The media would rather report on a virus disaster than help prevent one. That's not my bag, so I opted out of the press release scene. But on Day Two of the recent Boza HypeFest I came out of my temporary, self-imposed exile and faxed every major newspaper and computer weekly in Australia telling them the horror stories they were publishing about Boza were pure unadulterated crap. Journalists and/or their editors took exception to my use of the term "media beat-up." Daily newspapers which had devoted hundreds of words to Boza horror stories didn't print a single word from me. One weekly -- ComputerWorld -- gave me one heavily-edited paragraph but this was buried under the avalanche of bullshit in other publications, radio and television. Somehow a local radio station picked up on the press release and phoned me a couple of days later for a taped interview. I gave them the facts: The whole Boza thing was utter crap, that the wholesale slaughter of computers worldwide just wasn't happening and that Boza had virtually no chance of ever becoming a widespread threat. I concluded by saying that if the media-generated hype kept escalating at the rate it had been for the previous few days, by the weekend the headlines would be screaming: "Boza Virus Kills President Clinton at Keyboard." The interview never made it to air. Boza fear and loathing continued to spread like wildfire. Maybe you had only a "Boza mini-panic" in the USA, but in this part of the world the horror stories created the kind of panic you'd expect from an outbreak of bubonic plague. In the first week I received 218 calls -- including one from the government of a neighboring South Pacific country -- from everyone ranging from home computer hobbyists to corporate and government IT Security Professionals, all convinced that the dreaded undetectable mass-murdering Boza virus had trashed their Windows95/NT machines. I confirmed only SIX Boza infections. Four of these were at the same site. The other 215 callers were victims of BozaBullshit. They'd seen The King With No Clothes with their own eyes and he was wearing a Boza badge. The anti-virus industry's credibility was well and truly sodomized a few years ago by a couple of well-publicized virus non-events. Thanks to the efforts of a handful of snake-oil salesmen and self-promoting prophets of virus doom-and-gloom the whole industry -- including me -- was tarred with the same brush. "AV'er" became synonymous with "panic merchant" and "con man." It took me a long time to shake off this image and re-establish my credentials as the owner of a no-bullshit anti-virus company. It's a constant battle for an ethical AV'er (contrary to popular belief, such creatures really do exist) to maintain any kind of credibility since some people in the industry go out of their way to keep shoring up the snake-oil salesmen image on an on-going basis. It's almost as if these geeks have a death wish and want to take the rest of us down with them. I cringe every time I see a "100% detection and cleanup" ad in a magazine or read a "brand new supervirus poised to destroy the world" story. I know my credibility has just dropped a couple of points simply by association with these tallywhackers. This Boza thing will shove me and everyone else in the industry who doesn't deserve it back in the snake-oil bottle for however long it takes people to forget the beat-up. And it pisses me off that it's down to "outsiders." We've learned how to fight our way out from under piles of manure heaped on us by the enemy within but now we're being bombarded with the same kind of excrement from the enemy without. In any case, just as the masses get the government they deserve, computer journalists get the anti-virus contacts they deserve. I've come to the conclusion, though, that very few of them deserve ME. Keep on keeping the bastards honest. I can't. Rod Fewster, @ Softtech [Crypt replies: Thanks for the interesting memo, Rod! As for the Boza/Bizatch virus brew, it was a fizzy drink that made the palate tingle just long enough get us into late February which, you know, meant: -=MICHELANGELO (Computer Virus and Anti-virus Software Promotion) DAY=- Southern California TV stations were running ads for Norton Anti-virus disguised as news the weekend before. The Boston Globe published a tech column devoted to Michelangelo. Yes, four years on from 1992 and some newspapers were still trying to squeeze blood from the Michelangelo stone, thus demonstrating it had attained the same yearly status in some places as any national holiday, perhaps like Presidents' Day or the anniversary of Pearl Harbor. Subsequently, the Globe story was passed along on Compuserve as a news and ad combo for anti-virus software. The Norton Anti-virus news piece on Crypt's local 11 o'clock TV broadcast was, however, the best. The local reporter fluffed the critical part: How to secure a copy of the Norton Anti-virus. When the anchor said "just type GO SYMANTEC at your computer" Crypt could just hear the distant gnashing of teeth and sodden wailing emanating from the marketing department. The Symantec lesser demons must have toiled for hours to place the video-byte. And then to see the whole thing go down in flames when a stumblebum TV journalist left out the key information: To "GO" anywhere you had to have an account on the Compuserve Information Service. The hog was in the tunnel and by midnite Symantec employee bones were doubtless being ground into pemmican under a giant basaltic wheel in some software industry dungeon, now part of a cautionary corporate seminar and video presentation on the meaning of failure. Back at our northeast Pasadena lab, Crypt imagined troubled PC users sitting in front of their screens, pounding at the keyboard -- GO SYMANTEC -- GO SYMANTEC -- GO SYMANTEC -- *&#!! -- to be mocked by the inscrutable wisdom of the ages only a command shell can provide: "Bad command or filename." The unintentional poetry of the machine is sublime. But, as you've written, there's no shortage of Philistines or the pharisaical within the industry. Plenty of vendors - even your distant brethren in the NorthAm Thunderbyte office - used Compuserve and the fiendishly effective PR Newswire to launch a promotion on the broad back of Boza/Bizatch.] STRENGTH THROUGH OI: COMPUTER VIRUSES AS MARKETING TOOLS ======================================================== [Editor's note: Rod Fewster sent a second letter to Crypt which continued the "viruses as tools of marketing" discussion. It is reprinted in slightly edited form.] Marketers everywhere exploit the media [as part of business practice] whenever the opportunity arises. It's the nature of the beast. Just look at your Presidential elections. The bullshit factor in the media has increased by orders of magnitude since campaigning started. Political shills implant IMAGES of a candidate in your brain until the man behind the image is almost unrecognizable even though this is a phantom that never existed and never will. You can end up voting for a second-rate candidate because the people behind first-rate candidates are too ethical to involve themselves in this type of "marketing." Anti-virus shills implant IMAGES of data disaster in your brain until you throw money at them to protect yourself against the predicted virus holocaust. But it's a phantom holocaust which never existed and never will. You can end up buying a second-rate anti-virus program because the people who sell first-rate anti-virus programs are too ethical to involve themselves in this type of "marketing." The problem, as I see it, is that most people trust the media too much. Blind faith in the veracity of the media allowed Orson Welles to panic America into believing Martians had invaded Grovers Mill, New Jersey. We laugh at this today, yet we believe implicitly that Neil Armstrong walked on the moon because we saw it live on TV. If the TV reports had told us that Armstrong stepped in fresh dog excrement we would have just as implicitly believed the moon was inhabited by dogs. Can we be 100% certain the whole thing wasn't a beat-up, filmed in a Hollywood studio? Crypt is right. There's no valid excuse for manipulation of the NEWS media to increase sales by causing panic. ADVERTISING is a bullshit medium at best. The big juicy freshly-cooked mouth-watering hamburgers in the twenty-times-larger-than-life MacDonalds overhead display slides bear little resemblance to the dry kept-hot-by-microwaves gloopcake you find when you open the bag. But hype has no place (or rather SHOULD have no place) in the news. A return to the days when we could rely on the media to impart a factual no-bullshit warning about a new virus would be nice. But I guess I'm just pissing in the wind by even thinking about this. I doubt that it will happen in my lifetime. Ethical anti-virus developers have no chance at all these days of getting legitimate virus warnings across to the news. Professional bullshit artists in the industry have a monopoly on the "we'll print anything you tell us as long as you spend a fortune advertising in our rag" media ear and computer journalists who still take pride in what they write have been conned into printing codswallop many times by snake-oil peddlers who try to boost their sales by conjuring killer viruses out of thin air. Because of that, now they won't risk putting their names to anything even vaguely virus-related until they check the facts and by the time they've done this either an anti-virus company with a heap of advertising clout has browbeaten the editor into printing a more newsworthy (i.e.: padded with bullshit buzzwords and fifty times more frightening) story or it's too late for the warning to be effective. The loudest voices in the anti-virus industry belong to sharp operators who know that the guy who shovels the most bullshit disguised as "news" is likely to make the most sales. The more frightening he can make this news, the more money he'll be able to loot from the pockets of those who are gullible enough to believe it. It's interesting to note that most virus holocaust predictions originate from those anti-virus companies whose programs, even though they may be "Big Name" programs, are rated mediocre -- or worse -- by reputable independent testers. These same companies are the ones which invariably make wildly exaggerated claims about their program's detection and/or cleanup abilities in their ads. However, the virus threat IS real. It's not a case of "if" you get hit by a virus, but "when." It's a serious problem but it's nothing to go into a blind funk about. Unfortunately, thousands, perhaps hundreds of thousands, of computer users have been panicked into a blind funk by bullshit artists and/or media hype and have rushed out and bought poorly-performing anti-virus software which wasn't and never will be worth the money they paid for it. In a calmer climate these people could have taken their time, waded through the hype, sought out decent advice, compared the features and functionality and performance of the many available programs and ended up with value for money. I firmly believe that any anti-virus developer who releases "news" which causes a virus panic and the danger is subsequently proved to be grossly exaggerated has done so only to line his own pockets and should be exposed as a confidence trickster and, if possible, prosecuted for fraud. It's underhanded, unethical, and un-professional. It brings discredit on the whole anti-virus industry. The unfortunate thing about virus horror stories is that the public's lack of understanding of viruses forces it to accept whatever it reads as fact. It seems to me what usually happens in these cases is that anti-virus shills feed the media a horror story to make sales. But it also looks like media hacks added a few herbs and spices to the Boza story to make it "hotter." Rod Fewster MASOCHIST ANKLE-BITER REQUESTS JUNK E-MAIL ========================================== Dear Crypt: I have just finished testing anti-virus software. Please send me an e-mail bomb. Your Crypt Newsletter is very helpful. Cain Rosynbottom, Belgium [Crypt replies: I have forwarded your request to The Terminator and others. Orders take anywhere from two to four weeks for delivery. Expect to have to change your Internet Service Provider when your mail bomb arrives.] LONELY ANKLE-BITER ON THE ASIAN RIM =================================== Dear Crypt: Do you know how to use VCL virus-making software? I have some problems with it and [would] like to ask [for] help from someone. Thanks for reading my mail. Mr. Sinn, Myanmar (the country formerly known as Burma) [Crypt replies: Crypt was going to send for Chad (the little man behind the wall prominently displayed in the Crypt News Letters section) for your answer but a second look at the country of origin suggested a more general reply. About three or four times a month Crypt receives e-mail queries for advice on how to use Nowhere Man's Virus Creation Laboratory or requests for computer viruses from foreign countries that either feature unusually repressive governments or rule by dictators/military junta. Crypt does not care or differentiate between reader requests (I generically ignore them all) but assumes correspondents may fall into any of the following categories: 1. Native student with Internet account. 2. Offspring of diplomat with Internet account. 3. Tourist or international businessman with laptop PC and Internet account. 4. Law enforcement officers with Internet account and silly concepts about cyberspace and computer viruses. 5. Tomfool military or political flunkies of a foreign dictatorship entertaining quaint ideas about utility of high-tech spying and "Information Warfare." 6. Generic 'Net surfer lacking even the barest shred of common sense. However, let it not be said that Crypt does not care about its readership. Please dear readers, when sending e-mail to Crypt from within the boundaries of a military dictatorship always consider that your Internet service provider may be compromised. By nature, dictatorships tend to be paranoid. Requesting computer viruses or information about them may be sufficient grounds for institutional human rights violators to consider putting you under surveillance as a potential enemy of the state. Crypt publishes letters from some readers and makes every effort to decide when anonymizing an address is prudent. But Crypt may also be far from omniscient with regards to the state of repression and paranoia of your government. Consider your poor mother! Think twice about sending any mail in the clear that may enter you as a new candidate for a labor camp.] AMERICA ON-LINE ANKLE-BITER NUMBER 5736 ======================================= Re: America On-Line! Welcome! You've got mail! Please send me some info on how to obtain some VCLs. Hacker #5736, America On-Line [Crypt replies: ______ / \ � O O � 쩡쩡쩡쩡쩡쩡WW쩝쩡 쩡탠WW쩡쩡쩡쩡쩡쩡 쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝� 좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌 좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌� 쩝쩝쩝쩝 DOH! Check, M.O. or Visa 쩝쩝쩝� 좌좌좌좌for $5.98 to: VCLs, POB 4234좌좌� 쩝쩝쩝� Rockville, MD 13457-0122 좌 좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌� Phone orders: 1-703-979-6472 Attention: Jimmie Hill LOSCHE DIESES PROGRAMM ====================== Crypt: subscribe crypt ewsletter [sic] ---Matthias Brunner, Univ. of Mannheim, Deutschland [Crypt replies: ______ / \ � O O � 쩡쩡쩡쩡쩡쩡WW쩝쩡 쩡탠WW쩡쩡쩡쩡쩡쩡 쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝� 좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌 좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌� 쩝쩝쩝쩝 DOH! 쩝쩝쩝쩝� 좌좌좌좌 GANZ FALSCH!! 좌좌좌좌� 쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝쩝� 좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌좌� TENACIOUS ANKLE-BITER FRUSTRATED BY CHALLENGE OF BATCH FILE PROGRAMMING ======================================================================= Subject: VIRUS CREATION Hi Crypt: I would like to make some viruses. No matter how hard I try, I cannot. I can make boobytraps out of batch files but they are not very good. Doctor Batch-file, CompuServe [Crypt replies: Using your favorite text editor, cut the next bit of Crypt Newsletter out, save it to a file named CURE.BAT and execute. Repeat as often as necessary. Call Crypt in the morning.] -------------------------------------------------------